Ever Wonder If You Can Piss And Run At The Same Time?
This is one of those mysteries that probably would have been on Mythbusters, but I cracked the code before the guy with the Colonel Sanders/Monopoly Man mustache got to it. I have this run I take in my neighborhood, well, the Greater East Central Bronx area- it’s far, like four or five miles. I break it down into about 9 laps, stopping for a block or two in between and then off again. So, I’m on my eighth lap, the last good run, where the ground is all even and it’s about a mile. A mile in this lonely industrial neighborhood where no one should be walking, or even stopping. Commerce Ave, you ever been? I keep it moving. It doesn’t matter if it’s day or night, the area has a Scooby Doo/Alice In Wonderland trippy vibe to it. Like I might have to fight the Jabawockee around the next turn. That’s my motivation to not stop.
The last time I went running, I was on Commerce and I could start to feel the bladder start to press. I was not trying to stop, I would have totally lost my momentum, I hate that. So I think, if a person’s thrusting their legs back and forth, can they release their bladder. POP EXPERIMENT time. I was wearing basketball shorts, so I didn’t even have to pull them down or anything, I was slick with it…like when a chick just pulls her panties to the side to have quick sex. When I first tried go, nothing happened. That was just trial one though, I wouldn’t give up that easily. I had to envision one inch ceramic bathroom tiles and porcelain stuff. The second time was the charm (I should have considered trajectory a little more carefully though). I don’t know why it wasn’t apparent to me that if I’m pissing and running at the same time, there’s a good chance I’ll pee on my leg, but never I mind, this was in the pursuit of science. Besides it was laundry day (by day, I mean, night) and what’s a little urine after 50 minutes of sweat, it probably just slid right off…or evaporated, I was hot.
This is a revolutionary scientific breakthrough for all citizen of earth. Any time someone’s running or jogging in deserted areas and they have to urinate, I can assure them there’s no need spoil their flow, just go. A new gadget will be created for the everyday Flo Jo’s out there – patent pending, of course.