Home > NYC, WTF > A Kiss, Sometimes, Is Way More Than A Kiss…

A Kiss, Sometimes, Is Way More Than A Kiss…

…yeah, sometimes it’s that final nail in the coffin that holds our relationship that never happened.
I mean damn, how can people be bad kissers! Even as I wrote that I knew the answer(s). It’s a damn shame, practice on your hand or something. I just think, that person must really think they are doing a good job because they’re keeping up with those corny moves… I once thought, “is she enjoying this, how can she be?.. Yep, that was my stomach that just turned, I’m crying ‘uncle’: RETREAT! RETREAT!” Ma, if your tongue feels like a pelican’s beek, jabbing me in my tongue, I don’t want you–in life. And head is a major crap shoot, you might molest my junk, and not in the good way. How can people be bad kissers?
Now, I’m not very race-specific when it comes to the kind of women I’m attracted to, sexy is international. It’s about the person and all of their characteristics and other emo things like that, but I can’t mess with thin-lipped white chicks, it’ s like trying to make out with the brim of a 12oz soda can. There’s no leverage, me and my juicy lips are just caught out there, resting on lady mustache [megaFAIL]. I felt all sloppy, she should have gave better tongue *shrugs* I don’t know how the do it back in Dublin, but that just didn’t work here. I could’ve got more action if I made out with an oyster-on-the-halfshell (extra hot sauce, I’m feeling kinky…) How can people be bad kissers?
If a person’s a bad kisser, how likely is it that they know how to fuck? Why give them a chance? It’s like going to the theater to see a movie that had a wack promo just because you want to give it a chance. You’re wasting your time and bad sex is non-refundable.
It’s really awkward trying to coach someone to not repetitively suck-smacking your bottom lip like it’s a ‘ring pop’ from back in the 90s. That shit is just annoying, the sensation of the repetitive motion just irritated me, I felt her even after she set my lip free. Maybe if it were somewhat attractive, I would have liked it, but it just felt like a guppy blindly grazing for plankton. That chick needed to know though, “why do you keep sucking my lip like that?” And this broad replies, “because I like that…”
“Well, I don’t,” I replied. She didn’t get the sign, even though it might as well been on a marquis in flashing lights, ‘yo, you had enough or my lips, take a tour…’ I’m too finnicky for this kind of nonsense, this chick was just sub par. She obviously didn’t read the CoreAPPLER Manual For Making Out And Fornicating. She would have got some that night. As @stixnstone would say, she’s just been downgraded to a #bottomchic, her lips shouldn’t be touching mine anyway.

And when I tell stories like this, there’s always the miscellaneous, “and how you know you’re a good kisser?” So before you ask, lemme just tell you, I am dammit, I got the ‘thank you’s to prove it…. Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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