Home > NYC, Only In New York, Sex, Drugs and all that... > How I Spent My Friday Night: A Cautionary Tale

How I Spent My Friday Night: A Cautionary Tale

First let me start by saying I’m not a avid gun-ho drinker, but when I do (which has become more often since I got my bartender’s license) I go IN like Flynn. I got so drunk last night, I didn’t even make it out of the borough of Manhattan. I was hanging out with a couple friends mixing drinks under the table at a pizzeria in Union Square… This is, by the way, after I already started sipping at a sushi restaurant, no sake please and thank you, not enough alc-by-volume.
Just the thought of Johnny Walker Black, Patron Cafe and Kahlua is making me dry heave right now. (Note: Patron Cafe is viscous like gasoline or old bottom-of-the-kettle 3 day old coffee and tastes as such too.) I was so twisted I had to just up and leave the pizza spot… nevermind my phone, keys, coat, ipods, alcohol, etc. I just walked out and starting hiking. I THOUGHT I was just I was just walking around the block (I did that twice.) Came back in the spot, not to get my stuff, it was just a cameo. I didn’t say hi, I didn’t say bye, I just walk the hell back out. It was just too damn hot in there and the floor wouldn’t stop moving. Cut to me a half mile away when I realized I didn’t my phone, keys, etc… [About Face]
So now I’m walking back to the pizzeria to collect my crap and return to the group »» the left. [BUMMER] So now I don’t what I’m going to do: MOM’S HOUSE for the win!!! This whole time I never thought about calling my friends, I don’t even think I was audible at this time anyway. The God for small miracles, I had my wallet. I went to Chase, or so I believe, $60 just appeared in my hands.
I’m a city boy, my driver’s license is a Metrocard, but last night that just wasn’t happening: “TAXIIIII” Within 8 seconds of me flopping in the cab, I threw up where you put your feet. I was laid across the back, returning my dinner(s). Honestly, it felt great. Drunk puking is super satisfying… I still wasn’t sober or anything though. Oh, I forgot: GARLIC KNOTS. That’s what set me off. I saw them again on the way back out. The cabbie was not feeling me at this point. He got out of the front seat, opened up the back door and started screaming at me. I replied to him by screaming “131 and 7. 131 and 7” over and over with a $20 in my hand. Mind you, I already threw a 20 in the front when I first dropped in the cab. I don’t wanna say I passed out in the back of the cab after that, but that would be completely accurate. You would not believe where I woke up at.
This dude took me to Harlem Hospital. I woke up to orderlies trying to rouse me awake. Once I was awake I walked into the ER. I don’t know why I walked into the ER, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have let me just walk off. So I walked through the ER and right out.
Note: my mom’s house is 5 blocks from the hospital… And oh yeah, this whole time I was only wearing little ass shirt, I was so cold. The cold did Nothing to aide in sobering me up. Not a thing. I twisted my ankle and totally didn’t feel it. I teleported to my mom’s house. Building front door. Elevator. They didn’t even happen, I was just at my mom’s door, KNOCKING! I have no idea of what time it is, but I’m banging on the door like I was the police. I don’t think I said 2 word to her, I just laid in the floor. Where did those pillows come from. I gots no clue… My mom gave me some juice, I took a sip and threw up in the cup and went to sleep…
I woke up this morning like none of that even happened. No hangover. LOL. I tried to eat some yogurt though, it didn’t want me. I could only stand water. First thing I did when I woke up was call my housemate. All my stuff with him, he was home, I was a-ok!
Now I’m with my friend, Guy, my drinking big brother, I just can’t. He’s talking about Johnny.. I’m scared, I did enough for the whole weekend.

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  1. April 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Lord…this sounds like a hot mess of an evening! Why couldn’t we have video play-by-play for this?! LMAO

    • April 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm

      Lmfao @ hot mess / play-by-play. I’m really glad there wasn’t tele-video evidence. I was a mess and that crap does not need to be in the ether.

  2. April 10, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Lmao…. Looks like I need to.

  3. Dee
    April 11, 2010 at 11:35 am

    ahahahahaaa…

    I CAN NOT STOP LAUGHING!!!

    DAMN! I thought I was bad for waking up in a different borough but YOU GOT ME BEAT!!

  4. Rebecca
    April 16, 2010 at 8:07 am

    LMAOOOOOOOO. You tell a great story tho 🙂

  1. April 10, 2010 at 2:54 pm

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