Home > Daily Random, The Burn List, TV Junkie > Jake Gylenhaal Signs On To Star In Balloon Boy Movie

Jake Gylenhaal Signs On To Star In Balloon Boy Movie

October 19, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

There has been word from Gylenhaal’s camp that he is, in fact, going to star in the TLC made-for-tv movie loosely based on the Stormchasing, fame-driven Heene story. It will be written as a prequel to his ground-breaking Film Noir about polymer, Bubble Boy, from a decade earlier. This is a dual role for Gylenhaal, he’s playing the father in the the past and an all-grown-up version of the Balloon Boy as the narrator.  Parts of the plot for the movie were leaked by Jon Gosselin’s camp, out of retaliation for TLC not running with his show idea. At a pitch meeting, Jon proposed “Gosselin Squares,” a take on Hollywood Squares with all of Jon’s children at the spots (Jon as the center square, of course).  He wanted OctoMom to play a Charo-like Vanna White roll, but production felt it inappropriate for a woman with 14 kids to yell, “coochie coochie coochie” on national television. Gosselin also wanted Ryan Seacrest to host, but Ryan’s out of commission until his CPU , modem and backup skinsuit are taken of off back-order from the Bayside Animatronics-Robotics Factory (BARF). Jon allegedly took the Balloon Boy script treatment as collateral. The script reads: Bubble Boy Beginnings: A Soaring Falcon. The story says that as a young boy, Falcon developed a weakened immune system from many sleepless nights stormchasing, drinking Wife Swapped breast milk and persistent anxiety-induced vomiting. Falcon thought that he could cure his ails by flying his dad’s small craft to Willy Wonka’s house because Everlasting Gob-Stopper Gum is good for immunity. Falcon did end up meeting Mr.Wonka and Umpaloompa Joompa Thiteevie as well; he was cured. Falcon was trying to give credit to Mr. Thiteevie, but Wolf Blitzer on CNN misunderstood what he said. Unfortunately the cure didn’t take because he threw up the Gob-Stopper on Good Morning America.-it’s hard focus children to stay compoosed when they’re waken up out of their beds at 3am and put  in front of the camera. Due to the fact that the Heene’s weather balloon was confiscated by the Colorado authorities, Falcon will never be able to reach Wonka again. He will have to accept his life in a bubble (and under a microscope)…the good news is that the bubble’s equipped with GPS and cameras, so it also acts as a Tornado Monitor and recorder…

“Falcon’s Funnels” is already in pre-production, slated for the upcoming midseason tv line-up. Here’s the first song off the soundtrack:

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  1. Fariyal
    October 19, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    This is crazy funny!!! Lmfaoooo!!

  2. dip
    October 20, 2009 at 9:40 am

    LMAO you are a mess.. at first I was like really?! *shows how slow i can be* but I was just dying. I love the fact that ryan has a backup skinsuit! and that the boy took the balloon to visit willy wonka – thanks for the AM giggles lol

    • October 20, 2009 at 10:03 am

      Thanx Dip..Always here to spread the laughter..and some wisdom too.
      Hey don’t laugh at Ryan Seacrest’s skinsuit, it was made from Octobabies uses tie Silence Of The Lambs- Buffalo Bill method [it puts the lotion on its skin, it does what its told] lol

  1. October 20, 2009 at 2:18 am

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