The Corner of Skid Row and Sesame Street
It’s funny how a person’s warped adult mind can corrupt almost anything, even something as innocent as a beloved, timeless, childhood television show.
Sesame Street is the dead end block after the Boulevard of Broken Dreams at Skid Row. Most of the regulars are live in the half-way house run by Madame Ethel also known as #67-102985. The gang just hangs-on-the-block, they don’t need to go anywhere, the party comes to them. Cookie Monster has the best pot in town, high grade muppetponic sativa- indoor. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about them though, they’re not all lay-abouts or and slackers. Aside from being life-long partners for over 40 years now, Bert and Ernie are the Co-Presidents of their PFLAG chapter. They also tutor wayward inner-city children (only the boys) out of the goodness of their hearts. Thanks to them, Elmo’s grades improved significantly. Elmo is an orphan; he lost his parents when their double-wide trailer, with the cinder-block tires, exploded because his dad forgot to strain the draining fluid before adding the pseudo-ephedrine into the Crystal Meth brew. Elmo has been coping well with the lost of his parents- kids are resilient and in the end they just want to be tickled.
Adults aren’t as resilient, take Oscar for example, he’s the neighborhood bum. He can never seem to find his footing. People try not to be bother with him, he’s kind of grouchy- he left a part of himself back in Quaing Dong Prison in Nghệ Province. Oscar’s a Vietnam Vet and prisoner of War, he came back to the states with PTSD and a severe heroine addiction. He dresses in camouflage all the time because he still thinks he’s still hunting Red Charlie- or was it Agent Orange. He’s fine when he’s stoned but when he’s jonesing, he gets belligerent and spits from his bunker (we call it the garbage can). The one person Oscar never bothers is Count Dracula, he owns the Sex Shop/ Day Care Center on the corner. CD is an Ex-Jesuit Priest, they didn’t mind him feeling up the nuns, but they had to draw the line at Devil-worship. CD is a cool guy, if you shop at his store 10 times in a month, you get a free baby. And he lets the slow kid, Telly, work around the store sometimes.
The nicest person of all on Sesame Street is Big Bird, he has won Ms. Drag USA four times and he was a finalist on Project Runway. Big Bird is our Community Organizer, without him there never have been a Clean-Needle Program and he designed the softballs team’s uniform- down to the feather boa. Snuffaluffagus couldn’t wear the uniforms though, he’s allergic- it agitates his adenoids and sinuses. Snuffy’s a little bit of a Hypochondriac with severe depression and Narcolepsy. Snuffy is allowing his life to pass him by- if he’s not searching the web for unknown illnesses, he’s moping around or sleeping. Grover, the building owner, never sleeps-he tells everyone that it’s insomnia due to an abnormality in his hypothalamus gland but they all know it’s because of his diet pills and crack addictions. The guys don’t say much to him because he holds down his jobs at IRS and Hawaiian Tropics. Besides, Grover owns the landing strip out in Humboldt County where they get their crops from. They have some ups and downs but it’s always good times; even though they have some issues they’re a family.
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