UGGS.1

cut jeans-tank-UGGSJust another cruel, lingering joke given to us by the Aussies, like Nicole Kidman and Steve Irwin weren’t enough. Americans failed to grasp that Uggs were intended to be around-the-house shoes- would you walk on the train in a bathrobe? (some asshole just said yes) It’s what you wear in the Outback on the weekends when you’re rangling ‘Roos and putting Crocs on the barby or maybe to Big Bird’s funeral or to Paula Abdul’s weekend Pharma Parties. On the other hand, Crocs-the shoes-I can totally defend/ endorse..sometimes comfort does trump style. However, Uggs are disgusting and cause me to act out inappropriately: sometimes I get spontaneous Tourette’s Syndrome  on these NYC streets and just shout: “uuuuuugggghs” (you can quote that). Uggs in the street Uggs on the trainThat always helps stave off the hurling too, but the animal-print ones are like a flourescent lightbulbs to an epileptic- i just start seizing up. Sometimes  I’ll tell a girl, “I love your Uggs”, and the girls always reply “thanks,” with a smile. It takes a special kind of stupid to think I’m legitimately complimenting you on your footwear; every Uggs purchase should come with a Dunce Hat or a protective helmut. Charge the people who laugh and point at you, so you can recoup some of  your cash, you should’ve bought heels-they pay for themselves… Ladies (and some men too) limit the uggage, its a motor oil stain on your wardrobe and I personally like and respect you a little less for the headache you just gave me. It makes y’all look like live-action cartoon characters-I can’t *shake my head* enough. The worst is when the heel of the “shoe” is all corroded from water damage and overuse, leaning to one side like a deformed foot or a bad foot-binding experiment. All those women wearing imitation Uggs are smart; why drop two bills on a what looks like suede surgical boot when you can just get the Fuggs from the discount store for $17.99, spend the rest on pampers, groceries and a good mental health professional. >>read on>>

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