The Chinchilla Lady

Doesn’t she look like a big ass gerbil from the MTA Pet Shop…? When she first walked into the train with that floppy canvas hat, I almost fell on the floor. Some people just baffle me (At least she’s not wearing uggs, I would have no choice to openly laugh out loud WITH POINTING.) What happened to the rules about fashion, I know it’s not after Labor Day, but there should be a common sense rule that says if you have enough money to buy a full-length fur coat, you should also be riding in a taxi cab. When she first sat down, it was between to people in the middle seat, it looked so awkward and out-of-place. Look at this fool, the whole train car gave her ‘side eye.’

One thing, you make yourself more of a target for the seedier characters that ride the train because you look like Mrs. Howell on the wrong 3-hour tour. Easy money. Secondly, when is it ever ok to sit down on public transportation when wearing all white? I don’t care if it’s fur, cotton, suede or lycra, the dry cleaners will rape your wallet when it comes to the cleaning.

…And then she gets of in the ‘hood–Harlem 125. This lady is a bag full of contradictions, tied with a irony bow. She’s probably heading to the post office now to mail some peaches to her nephew in Georgia and oranges to her niece in Florida.

Rag Couture [designs by Bag Lady]

So this is new. People using sheets as coats, is this European? Please don’t catch on in New York. I know there are people out there that see this as fashion or something, but it looks like the bag lady caught an episode of Project Runway. Yeah, the lady on the left does look kind of chic, I think she was actually from Europe, but the guy on the train on the right was the classic FIT student from the city. When I first walked on the train, I thought he was the boogie man or the son of Candyman, minus the bees.

Next from the House Of Bag Lady, shower curtain bathing suits, Summer 2010 show in the Washington Square Park fountain, coming soon.

Sleep.NYC

In the city that never sleeps, New Yorkers have an uncanny ability to ‘nap’ wherever, whenever they want. [note: all of these pictures were taken between the hours of 12 and 7pm.] If you’re from here like I am, you also know about sleeping on the train and miraculously waking up right at your stop (even though you have headphones on.) But this here, doesn’t even make any sense.  This man was literally laying-out at the entrance to Penn Station smoking a cigarette, without a care in the world. I don’t even know (and I didn’t care) what was going on with that. The two guys on the platform benches are drunken day-laborers around Time Square/Port Authority-they go IN with the 12-packs and sit in the dining areas of deli/buffets along 8th Avenue after 5 and just drink until they’re red in the face and stumbling the 2 or 3 blocks to the train. Fat Bastard on the F-train was just f*cked up, I thought he was dead until he farted…

Party Like It’s 1989

This dude walked in the store, asked for some Mike-n-Ikes and was humming “Walk This Way”….

I looked around, I thought I was bugging out. This was a real Twilight Zone moment, I thought I time-traveled to the 80s …or he was from the past. (Not to mention, I was high flying and juiced on the goose, so I really was unsure about what was happening.) I had to let the camera lens do the viewing. This guy sure had me cracking up though, that delayed laugh that hits three minutes later once the shock and awe wear off. What kind of looks he must get on the street. All I know is that now I’m thinking about me in the 80s, around four or five, loving the peanut butter and jelly that came in the same jar. (They still make that, by the way.) I used to get a kick out of making pb&j sandwiches, one of my first foyers in my chefery. This guy’s hair looks just like that peanut butter and jelly jar.

I heard about and saw the Retro Kids all over the city. They’re like the James St. James and Michael Alig, but using a better cultural/ musical/ fashion era.  And  like the original Club Kids, these guys (and girls, oviously) get into award shows, fashion shows and clubs just because. This guy here is not half as committed as some, it’s a damn spectacle (aka: it’s New York.)

All I See Is Crotch And Gut…This Ain’t Right!

For every action has an equal and opposite reaction- Sir Isaac Newton.

This is true about anything. Take the MTA for example, you’re tired, it’s been a long day, you see that the train in started to get packed, but you manage to get a seat. A few seconds go by, you get your bearings, adjust the ipod, whip out the blackerry… Then you look up and this is what you see, swaying to and fro on a rocky C train eight inches from your face: Would you rather stand, or is it worth it?

Did You Crap In Your Pants Or It Supposed To Look Like That?

Genie pants, hammer pants, harem pants, I don’t care what you call them, they’re not right. They say that fashion travels from east to west like the sun, which explains why this stain is just now getting to us even though I saw this in Greece 18 months ago. This look was gross 18 months ago, it was laughable 18 years ago, why are we doing it again. I wonder if hammer pants really hit the streets as everyday fashion back when Hammer was around.

I understand that I don’t know everything about fashion, but I know when something’s so “aesthetically displeasing” it turns my stomach. What in the world can be attractive about an extra flap of material swaying between someone’s legs. It’s couture foreskin, circumcision in reverse. I’ve heard of letting it all air out, but damn, whole trends shouldn’t be a product feminine hygiene needs. Speaking on femi-anything, the first character in the line-up is a man. ‘Lady man’ yes, but man, just the same, I’m not even going to address the fact that this he’s wearing ladies wear, this is New York City, I’m just mad that this fashion exists at all.

I blame the Olsen twins for this vagabond/ hobo-chic style that’s enveloping the city (and the runways.) There’s nothing cool about spending big bucks to look poor. If I see one more uggs and genie combo, I’m goin to lose it. That’s AntiHorny.101. Women are going to start going farther with the fashion, calling it “Marsupial Pants,” soon you’re going to see shops in SoHo selling pants that come with baby pouches in the crouch like kangaroos or walabies. It’ll be in Vogue by Spring ’11, no that’s not a baby bump, it’s a baby dump.

It hurts me to admit, but I have seen some tasteful harem pants out there, but it’s definitely a Goldileocks Scenerio: Tinkerbell’s pantaloons, on the right, are way too loose and Perez Hilton’s jersey/knit hammer pants are choking his calves. Diane von Furstenberg does it just right with her tailored capri/harem pant. Yet still, I gagged a little when I saw it on ItsFariyall.

See This And Other Fashion/Pop Culture Posts At CultureFlyy.com, as well

Scallywag On Deck. She Got AIDS From The 6-Train

Ladies I don’t get it, how do y’all do this: wear short shorts or a skirt and let your [almost] bare skin touch the New York City, Metropolitan Transit Authority’s seats. It that seat’s life time a bum shit and slept there, people had sex on it AND the lady came back to give birth RIGHT there. Gross, yuck and ewwwww. I wonder if you can catch an STD for sitting like that. Shoot, nylon stocking ain’t latex, seat goop will get up in there, especially if the radiator’s on under the seat. Come to think of it, I’ve seen transit workers sweep the floor and such all the time, but I’ve NEVER seen the seats being cleaned- EVER. *Squat At Own Risk*

Naked Knee Caps (UGGS.3)

Women have this uncanny ability to pick and choose which body parts they want to be warm that day.

Jeans, boots and a half jacket. Scarf, gloves, hoodie with short shorts and flip flops. A fur coat with a mini-skirt (I guess ankles don’t get cold on date night.) I know girls who would wear those skippy dippy flat shoes with no socks in the snow like it’s nothing. I think they were Himalayan sherpas in a past life. Now let me try to pull some hinky dink nonsense like that, even going to the store in shorts is a stretch for me. My kneecaps aren’t as resilient as this lady’s. It’s a good thing guys clothes are a little more basic (at least when it comes to covering what it’s supposed to.) Besides, I really don’t think backless shirts (and such) are something that should catch on for men. Let the women amaze us with their feats over homeostasis and adventurous clothing.

UGGS.2: An Aussie History.

I was talking with my Aussie friend, @jintanut a while back when I first started this blog and I was ranting about Uggs on twitter. One of my first posts was about Uggs and she emailed me a brief history of the epidemic, a first-hand testimony:

Heres the low down on UGG boots from an AUSSIE.
History says the UGG boot was invented here by a sheep farmer with cold feet, apparently he made ‘do’ and so I would imagine he skinned a sheep, cut it up, and fashioned some type of ‘boot’ from the bloody mess. A NZ farmer also claims it was his idea…. but never mind that.

Fast forward to 1980s, I was in my early teens. Ugg boots became popular as fashion, some had laces, some were long some were short. They were mainly used as a slipper, EXCEPT by the kids and surfies back then, whenever it was really cold, or after swim training we would be given our ugg boots to wear…thanks mum. It was daggy, wearing slippers out in public.

Then, a few years later, YOUR Pammy Anderson came to film Boobwatch here in OZ, and someone gave her a pair of high UGG boots, she wore on the beach, with a Bikini, and so, the UGG boot became world famous overnight. Suddenly the UGG is in magazines etc! So time goes by, and now EVERYONE is wearing UGG boots-everywhere.. Most Aussies did not embrace the trend of wearing out slippers out in public.
So then a company from USA decided to ‘buy’ the word ‘UGG’ and BAN its use here in OZ, and so now small sheepskin places are wondering what the heck to call the UGG style boots if we cant call them UGG boots anymore??? This became national news, and made the papers for years…during this time,the past few years- something strange happened to the UGG boot in OZ.

We seem to have become protective of what we consider to be ours, companies here ignore the UGG legal issues, and continue to make boots named the UGG boot.
I accidently wore my black lace up UGG boots on a flight earlier this year lol. It was 5am mid during winter, I was running late and I left my real shoes in the car and ran for the terminal wearing my UGG boots.

It wasnt cool at all. People here openly laugh at you. If the terminal shops had been open, I would have bought some shoes.

So, if NYers are wearing the UGG in public, I say THROW TOMATOES AT THEM.

xxx

Yankee To Aussie Translations:

NZ – New Zealand

Daggy- (see glossary)

OZ- Aussie

Queen Amidala Spotted In Park Slope

It’s rare to see Queen Amidala just walking the street in Park Slope without her Imperial Security Forces. She must have been heading to a tryst with long time lover, Jar Jar Binx again. Little does she know, the Darkside’s on her tail, her poly-vynil dreadlocks hold the key to rebuilding the Empire.

Josie And The Pussycats in Manhattan

Spotted on the 6-train, Josie and Valerie pissed of that Velma didn’t come through with the Scooby Van after the poetry reading on Bleeker. Valerie’s trying to write a song to get them out this jam, but the White Castle milkshake gave her brainblock/writer’s freeze.

A Hickie From Kanicki’s Like A Hallmark Card

I’m a major fan of bringing back something old from the past and making it new again; New Kids On The Block, Foster Grants, Jolt Cola, Joan Rivers, I love it all. However, not everything needs a rerun. They say that fashion repeats every 20 years or so, I can believe that, that’s why we had oversized granny glasses in the 80s, the resurgence of bell-bottoms in the 90s and these big-shouldered one-piece spandex jumpsuits and genie pants today. One style that look that never really settled is the James Dean/ greaser/ Rebel Without A Cause/ 50s look. How much of a rebel could anyone really have been during the Eisenhower administration? “Oooh….he’s smoking a marijuana cigarette and listening to that rock and roll colored music.” Back then a pelvis thrust could make a girl pass out. C’mon, “without a cause” is right. Yet, there’s something so iconic about slicking a pound of grease in the hair, wearing straight legs with the high cuff and overstated,scruffy-looking shoes.  The Greaser has been around for half-a-century now, I think its safe to say that the style is embedded in the American Fashion [Repitoire]. The look is even stronger in the UK; because genres in fashion are so fluid, branching into various social sects and cultures, this guy could be a Punk or Houligan walking around in the East End. Before the drunken bar brawl, that is, I’ve never seen a Houligan look this up-kept. Its a good thing this guy’s hair wasn’t of a ‘kinkier’ persuasion, he didn’t have to perm, hot-press and burn the scalp to achieve his rendition Havana’s Fonzie.