Go EXORCIST Around Bible-Thumpers

Don’t you just hate it when you’re on the train, after a long day of work or on one of those “Zombie  Monday Mornings” you got a seat, you might even be dozing off, and…here it comes: “REPENT, REPENT, you are all sinners, you need Jesus.” Some Bible-thumping lunatic bag lady with a fur coat in July is in the middle of the train car shouting at the top of her lungs about “Matthew 7:1″. When is this ever welcomed? And of course, in our true New York fashion, we just ignore her like she isnt even there-even when she busts out the crucifix and Holy Water.  I always wonder: What are their real jobs? How do they support themselves? Are they on SSI for mental disability and unhireable? I cant stand when someone tries to push their religious beliefs on me- especially when you’re trapped underground on a train. Rather than just sitting there and being judged by ‘Frankie’ for a 20 minute train ride, just “Go Exorcist” when they really get annoying. Go white-eyed,  start convulsing, speaking in tongues. Mimic everything they say. What do you have to lose, there’s 6 more stops left on the train, you’ll never see these people again, it’s funny as hell and they deserve it.  I don’t preach to everyone about my love of cheeseburgers, why can’t they contain themselves? Preach back. I once “preached” the entire AM New York Horoscope and the Celebrity Birthdays section on a D-train one morning when this lady wouldn’t shut the hell up about the Rapture. If she was talking about Anita Baker, I would have been cool…but she wasn’t. It was a Monday, I was feeling like having a Joe Wilson/ Kanye West moment anyway. It perked up my morning, it’ll probably do the same for you. It also works great when the Jehovahs Witnesses knock on your door at 7:36 on a Saturday morning.